Yesterday was the worst day. Ever.
I got my part taken away by none other than my conductor (the male one). Yes. The instrument I love so dearly has been taken away from me. Bye bye temple block.
Yes, I was super pissed off yesterday. For many, many reasons. And yes, yes, I cried. Unlike some other people we know, I can't hold my tears back. I'm just weak that way. So there I was, crying behind the timpani, hiding from everyone because I didn't want anyone to see me looking that way. And when I looked up, honestly, I was really jealous. Everyone else in my section was having fun, laughing and joking around on the other side. I wonder if Hannui sometimes feels lonely, cos when I was playing timpani (for the moment, until Hannui comes back), I felt really lonely. Do all timpani players feel cut off from the rest of the world? And I don't really care if anyone sees this post because it doesn't matter. If any percussionists see this, I don't mind.

And I think I've officially gone into depression mode. Seriously. I cried again today, but in class. When we were returning to class after morning assembly, I cried again. But I hid again too. I'm sure people think that I'm so super-sensitive for crying over a silly thing and getting depressed, but I just couldn't help myself lah. I mean, imagine if you work so hard on something, just to get it taken away from you? How would you feel then?

And what's even worse is that I'm pretty pissed off at some people. Like, if I see them happy, I get irritated. And it makes me feel horrible that I'm thinking this way, but it's the truth, I suppose.

I really don't think I'm going to get my beloved part back. Like, good for Lan Xin, now she has a part to play. But then, now I don't have any parts to play for YD. I only have Sunrise now, and it's not very safe cos I don't have anything to fall back on, since my cymbal playing pretty much sucks.
People have been lecturing me or trying to console me all day, but really, they don't understand. What I need is someone who will lend an ear to my complaints and lend my their shoulder to just cry, cry, and cry on. Not that I don't appreciate it, of course. Thanks again.
There's band tomorrow for the SYF people. Though the parts aren't really decided yet, what with all this changing, and since Ms Sia hasn't tested us yet, I am uncertain as to whether I should go or not. I might as well pon band lah, I only have cymbals to play. And what am I going to do when they're playing YD? Stand there all day? She is so going to cut. And she's going to cut me.

Sometimes I feel like the world is unfair. Okay, all the time lah. But I guess that's life, right? I felt the same way in primary school too. All the pretty girls who are mean are the ones who get noticed. And all the ugly girls like me? I'm not saying I'm an angel myself, but I'm just not as mean as someone I used to think I know.
Whatever. Enough with all that crap. I've taken Damia's advice and I'm trying to think of everything positively. And I'm just going to work hard at whatever I have. There's still Speech Day and Balloon Hat Festival, I guess. But they're just not the same as SYF, which will come again in only another two years.

We'll be changing partners again. My new partner was supposed to be Stephanie, but they're changing us cos we were partners last year also. )))): I was looking forward to seeing her again! Bah.

Oh, and yes, I know, I haven't updated in ages. But I had five tests, and what with that CCA of mine and all...

Everything about band hurts. I hate thinking of band, I dread going for band, and I just lost my hubby (instru).
How much more? How much more crap am I going to take from you?