Secrets, secrets, secrets.
Sigh.
So many of them.
Sigh.

This is my second post of the day. Just goes to show how bored I am at home. And Jac's still not back, she's coming home tomorrow night. SIGH. What's a holiday when you don't have someone to gabber away for hours on the phone to, right?
Furthermore, Pat can't come for the class reunion cos her rents aren't allowing her.
I don't know why I suddenly feel so depressed and emo. I felt so high a few moments ago. :/
Maybe it's because I feel left out. Yeah, that should be it. Sometimes I feel left out, like I'm not part of the group (whatever group that may be) or not part of a relationship. Like it's a one-sided thing. :/ Sometimes I wonder as to why I even bother to keep this up. Why do I? Keep it up, anyway? Maybe I should listen to Pat's personal message.
Do I give up? Even when I know that all my efforts will be futile?
Well, actually, in Pat's case, they're not exactly futile... But in my case, they are.
So do I? Give up, or refuse to back down? ://///

:( I was never like Fran. She never backs down from anything. Whereas I... I reconsider stuff all the time. My darling character has no qualms about refusing to give up.
My sister's right.
You know what she said to me the other day?
She told me I was a scaredy cat.
And a few months before that, she told me to,"Grow up."
:
Let me just ask everyone in general.
When you have a family who isn't very encouraging or supportive, how DO you mature or learn new things in life? Don't words like these scar you for life? :/ I seriously don't get it. I mean, how am I supposed to.. uhh.. blossom, when I have a family like this?

Anyway.

I don't forget. I never forget.
Lol so drama. I'm just trying to say that it's only been a few months, so I can't possibly have forgotten our little conversations.

Sigh. :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((
I feel so depressed right now.
People who know me are probably getting worried. Cos they're always saying that I look suicidal. But I'm not. I just look it. I don't really feel like slitting my throat, cutting my wrist or jumping off a building. I usually just feel like crying into my pillow, which can actually be quite dangerous sometimes when I don't come up for air. Since my nose and mouth are both blocked by the pillow, y'know.

I finally managed to get hold of Kavya tonight through MSN! YAYYYYYYYYYYYY.
I miss her. :(
We spent only about a year together as seating partners in French but I miss her. She transferred school so suddenly.

Did I mention life ... is tiring? Nah, I'm not gonna say that it sucks. Because it doesn't. It's the people in my life that do.

You know how people always tell you that there'll be a stage in life where you feel you can only confide in your friends and you can only turn to them for help or advice?
This is it. I've reached that stage.
I used to confide in my sister and cousin all the time. But then I realised that confiding in my sister wasn't a very good outlet, because what I usually want is to be comforted, or something. But my sister... Let's just say she doesn't really do that.

And my cousin? She's currently mad at me because I'm refusing to go for this half-day religious course thingy where I have to listen and sit with people MY AGE. I'd rather much be sitting with ladies around my mother's age than sit with strangers who are also teenagers. Eek. I'm anti-social, remember? Apparently, my cousin doesn't, and she kept persuading me to go for it. So now she doesn't wish to speak to me because I haven't changed my mind about going. She moved out quite some time ago, anyway, so I can't really access her as easily. Plus she's pregnany. Wouldn't want to burden her.

Oh well. There's only so much a person can do to please the people around her. And I'm pretty tired of doing that. Exhausted, fatigued from pleasing my family members and pretty much being absolutely subservient. Sya, do this. Sya, do that. (They don't call me Sya, of course.)

This is a rather emo post. No surprise there. But Ziyad, writing emo posts? Weird.

So what has been accomplished today?
I feel hurt and left out, I feel like a subservient fool, I feel stupid and I feel tired. I felt high for a few moments, before my feelings of joy and happiness were completely destroyed by a couple of souls who don't know what they're doing.
Goodnight.